My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
