You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
