Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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