I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
