I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
