We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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