I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize