i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
