Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
