She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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