fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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