Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
