I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
