I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize