I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm too high and old for this...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
