please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if only i could text you this smell
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
