i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
