Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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