You were right. It hurts to walk today.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
