Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
