I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
