so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize