I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
