"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize