remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
