Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
