ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
