Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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