why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
