Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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