Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
