I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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