She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
