Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
