What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
