i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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