I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
