I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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