Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize