he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
