You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
