walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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