Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
