he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
