I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
