VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
sarcasm needs its own font
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
