awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
