I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
