We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
