happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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