why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
