that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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