and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
