i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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