At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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