oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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