my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
