i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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