I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
