That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize