he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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