I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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