Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
