I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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