I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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