i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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